Small victories
It’s been a productive kinda day, well few days actually. That’s good because this week (along with the next couple) is looking busy with a lot less time for all the boring things I’ve just caught up on - washing, ironing, food shopping etc. I have even managed to do a few creative activities over the weekend. I made myself sit down and write for a good couple of hours on two occasions ready for my course tomorrow and I also rediscovered the art of scrapbooking and caught up with one I had been making throughout my treatment at the therapeutic community. I am quite proud of both things to be honest, although I am very anxious about sharing my writing with my tutor tomorrow. I wrote about the first time I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital but it’s not the content that worries me, it’s how she is going to judge my writing. I have become much more comfortable sharing my personal story since starting this blog and also through having to be so open during my treatment, so it illustrates a step forward that I’m not bothered about that aspect. I keep trying to tell myself that the same will be true of writing -the more I share it, the more used to sharing it and receiving criticism I will become. At least that’s the theory.
This morning I hit another milestone in my recovery progression when my GP and I agreed to trial reducing some of my sleep medication. It is the first reduction in my meds for a considerable time and considering how many different types of medication I take for physical and mental conditions, if I can manage without this one it will be a mini victory. I know it will take some adjusting to so the next few nights might be a bit of a nightmare (no pun intended) but I really hope I can cope in the longer term. Things have been so problematic medically for me over the last several years that many doctors have each prescribed me different drugs to try and aid their particular specialism but there has been no over all supervision of it so I have ended up on a lot. I understand that each person has only been trying to help and do believe that medications can be vital in treatment and be right at the right time but if I could stop ingesting quite so many drugs on a daily basis I would be grateful. It certainly seems that since my mental health has evened out a little, my physical health does seem more under control (read more on my experiences of the links between the two in the articles section of the site) so fingers crossed that bit by bit I can wean myself off things. I know it’s still very early days but today was definitely a good start.
My GP also pointed out something else that has changed today. I told him that my care coordinator and I still disagree over me needing therapy but that we are working together to try and move towards recovery. He commended me on this and said that in the past I would just have dismissed the whole relationship by flying into a rage about therapy. But since I’ve come back from my admission to the Cassel he says he’s noticed a real change in me and that I can see how things can still be ok even if people don’t give me everything I want. I guess it’s that grey in my black and white world putting in an appearance again but do you know what, it’s welcome!
I have a therapy re-assessment next week but I daren’t think about how it may or may not go. At the moment all I can do is make the best of each day at a time and build on the small victories that I have achieved.
