The journey begins
[TW] So, this is the beginning of my blog that will record my journey towards recovery (whatever that looks like) from here. It is not the beginning of the journey itself - that has been going on in various forms since the turn of the 21st century but I am about to embark on a new stage of it so it seemed like a right time to start a blog.
My name is Jo and I am 33 years old. 3 weeks ago I was 'released', I mean discharged from my local acute psychiatric hospital where I had been an inpatient for 7 months. It wasn't my first admission but it was my longest and to be honest, the most difficult. Not long after my admission I made a serious attempt on my life which saw me being placed in a medically induced coma and sent to intensive care. Miraculously I made a swift and full recovery and was sent back to the acute ward on 1-1 nursing. That continued for several weeks and things were extremely hard. I don't want to go into too much detail here but I ended up being placed on a Section 3 and as I said, was kept in for 7 months.
My primary diagnosis nowadays is Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (EUPD) but I have a history of depression, anxiety and Anorexia Nervosa as well as chronically low self esteem and high levels of self hatred.
In just over a week I am to begin a nine month placement at a specialist Personality Disorder hospital and my intention is to log my experiences here. Currently I am a little in denial about going. I was extremely anxious that I wouldn't be able to cope at home after leaving the ward 3 weeks ago but by keeping myself extremely busy and distracted I have somehow managed it this far. I know I couldn't keep it up long term but part of me now has settled back into being at home with my adorable dog Maisie and going away again seems so immensly scary. Meeting new people, living with them, doing therapy with them, a new regime to follow, new staff to get to know - it all fills me with huge anxiety. I worry already that I'm not going to be good enough, about what will happen if I'm not, if I can't do it or if it doesn't work...
I guess only time will tell.