Firstly I am sorry that I haven't updated this blog since my arrival - things will become clear as time goes on and I write more to catch everything up to date but for now suffice to say that this place is intense!! I have never experienced anything like it before - the set up itself is different but the intensity of the emotions I have felt here in the 3 and a half weeks since arriving has been incredible. I know having EUPD makes every day a mixture of deep emotions but here everyday is like my worst PD days - swinging from one extreme to the other so quickly and the extremes being, well, very extreme!
Today was the hospital's summer barbeque event which was open to friends, family, ex-patients and staff. We have been planning it for weeks, getting roped into various jobs as the day has neared (such as going around the local businesses asking for raffle prizes, making homemade burgers and collecting bunches of flowers from the garden) and talking the subject to death. Never before have I seen what should be tiny jobs turn into huge events that need to be discussed and analysed before they can be acted upon and never before have I been asked before a bbq, how it makes me feel on an emotional level and what feelings it triggers off in me. If I wasn't anxious about the bloody thing before, I certainly was by the time it arrived! Still, it all went to plan and my brother and his girlfriend came which was really nice so I managed to spend some decent time with them. Plus, the weather was good - not so ridiculously hot as it has been in the past couple of weeks but still sunny and dry.
Inevitably there were some no -shows from patients on the day which did irritate me (I'm not going to lie) because none of us really wanted to do it but had to. I was on my feet in the kitchen for most of the day before and afterwards so did my part and I feel good for that. I have to keep reminding myself that although this is a community and we are all here to support one another, I am here for me and my treatment has to be paramount. So, getting angry about others not pulling their weight or not showing up at all is fine but shouldn't be something I can't let go of because it won't actually achieve anything except make me emotional.
I'm going to leave today here as I am very tired but I will try my best to come and write again soon and give a bit more of a flavour of how things have been going.